I Binged Ransom Canyon Season 2 – Don’t Ask Me About the Plot, But Everyone Was Yummy

I could totally frame this piece as a discussion of how bold and empowering it is when series cater to the female gaze.

And ensconce my thoughts in flowery prose that adds texture and depth to what amounts to pure thirst and aesthetic appreciation.

But why bother? The truth is that after bingeing all of Ransom Canyon Season 2, I still can’t exactly tell you what the plot was all season.

I can tell you that everyone was beautiful, and the series had shameless fun showcasing that whenever it had the opportunity.

Admittedly, that’s probably why initially connecting with Ransom Canyon in the first place was such a task. The series promised to be a steamy version of Yellowstone meets Virgin River, with extra emphasis on the last one.

As scrumptious as Josh Duhamel is in a cowboy hat, the cantankerous and rough-around-the-edges Staten didn’t display the traits of an endearing romantic lead.

Frankly, Minka Kelly’s gorgeous but grating Quinn wasn’t an easy female lead to connect with either.

Ultimately, that’s probably why it took the better part of four attempts before I settled into the show as the type of comfort viewing, background television that helps pass the time and provides a bit of escapism.

The first season did deliver some substance regarding the tension between two brothers with different goals for what their town should endure, and themes of grief, small-town life, and reinventing oneself took hold.

This season, possibly, there were bits of that, somewhere, behind the heaving pecs, scrumptious stubble, and taut abs you could bounce coins off of, not that I would do that.

Variety is the spice of life, and Ransom Canyon gave us a dose of everything under the sun to feast our eyes upon in between plot points.

Remarkably, one of the hottest actors from Animal Kingdom (shoutout to you Ben Robson) had his work cut out for him stepping into the small town of delicious cowboys as the nerdy, British concertist Oliver.

It’s not to say he didn’t get some steamy moments of his own.

Oliver was a pretty basic and bland character who never stood a chance, but he did get some bonus points for, um, dexterity, worshiping our dear sweet Quinn in the music hall like he was fine-tuning one of his instruments.

Um, wowza!

Don’t ask me the color of anything in that scene because I don’t know. But in a season overflowing with steaminess, well, that one probably takes the cake.

And that’s essentially the pattern that plays out all season.

Somewhere in the mix, Yancey was juggling his new romance with Ellie that has borne fruit — see what I did there? And some messy scenario with the stunning Sidney, who has an impressive lingerie collection.

Yancey’s evolution carries over from Ransom Canyon Season 1 as he tries to settle into who he is, his identity, and the type of man he wants to be.

And he takes some accountability for the effects that he has on others, including the likes of Sidney, whom, it sounds like, he groomed to be a con-artist before bailing on.

I think that’s the gist of it.

But he also spends a great deal of time showcasing how he’s settled into this town by doing so many things shirtless. All the things. It’s glorious.

Yancey is the reason that they call them “washboard abs” because one could totally wash their unmentionables on those babies, not that I’m into that kind of thing.

Yancey is quite the specimen, and Ransom Canyon has an entertaining way of reminding us of that while offering glimpses into his struggles with acclimating.

It’s nice to know that pretty people have problems and insecurities, too.

Yancey’s problems are also ones that linger from the previous season.

As far as the land that was left to him, there’s some conflict there, enough to have him plotting a long con with his new flame and his old one.

But truthfully, every time he’s shirtless, I forget what the plot is, so there’s that.

The themes about family still reign throughout the season, with Staten constantly at odds with his dad, and much to my dismay, the season even introduces another Kirkland, but an illegitimate one.

And yes, he’s hot too, because it’s Steve Howey, who is not only making the rounds on some of television’s buzziest shows, but looks entirely different every time he’s on a new series.

Levi’s aesthetic was rugged hobo rather than hobo chic, and yet, that still didn’t make him any less scrumptious to watch.

The amusement was in Papa Kirkland producing some of the finest men in town and screwing every one of them up beyond repair as crappy dads are wont to do.

But maybe I got too distracted by Levi and what he was supposed to represent because did that plot actually go anywhere?

One minute Levi emerges from the dusky wilderness like some forest nymph, and then he was gone, and I’m not entirely sure what we’re supposed to do about that or whether or not he’ll magically reappear again.

Maybe that’s something we could potentially see next season? It’s a story that feels incomplete.

Shallow objectification aside, a good family plot is enjoyable, which is maybe why Staten not having a brother to play off for more than one episode was a bummer.

Boo. Seriously, bring back Steve Howey’s Levi. That man stays booked and busy, blessedly so, so maybe he can swing on back to Ransom Canyon for our viewing pleasure.

Surely, hobo Levi cleans up nicely and knows how to raise some hell.

Fortunately, when I pretend that I actually watch this series for the plot — and they give us one — the Russell brothers are never a letdown.

Like most shows, they fall victim to the love triangle nonsense that makes a girl’s eye twitch, but also eventually succumbing to the one mapped out was inevitable.

Sometimes, a show has to go where the chemistry is.

And if I were Lauren, I, too, would struggle between sweet, smart, warm, Golden Boy Lucas (who has my immense gratitude for not falling into the chest-waxing trend), and intuitive, troubled, and refreshingly flawed Kit.

How is a girl to choose when the Russell brothers look like that and are genuinely great guys who are doing their best, too?

The Russell brothers are great because they deliver all the romantic tropes while still having their own intriguing familial issues to watch.

There was some conflict, but at the center of their story, there’s a strong focus on the love between brothers, and that’s the storyline that held my interest most.

The Russell brothers trying to navigate raising themselves while at times being outliers, namely Kit, makes them underdogs that you root for. And even when they clash, the brothers’ love for each other is one of Ransom Canyon’s strongest arcs.

Fortunately, the whole love triangle thing didn’t needlessly derail that too much. And, hey, we got to feast our eyes on those yummy guys amid all their angst and character growth.

Dare I say they’re the most well-rounded?

But don’t take my word for it, because again, I was barely following the plots, but not minding the scenery one bit.

And the series rewards us handsomely with scenery.

Just when I thought that maybe the entire show isn’t supposed to be one big, gratuitous thirst trap, they orchestrated an entire event that required every hot guy in town, including the football team, to help build a stage.

Just glistening muscles, tight jeans, and manliness as far as the eye can see. For a shockingly long sequence.

So, clearly, Ransom Canyon does know why we’re here. Good, I was starting to feel like a creep.

Ransom Canyon Season 2 has you coming for Staten and Quinn, maybe, possibly, finally getting their act together after exhaustive back and forth and steamy chemistry.

But let’s be real, you stay for all the hot people, gratuitous shirtlessness, and the camera knowing just where to linger and for how long.

I think I get the appeal now.

Did you tune into Ransom Canyon? What attracts you to the series?

Ransom Canyon’s second season is streaming in full on Netflix.