The Pogues’ mantra may be to “have a good time, all the time,” but let me tell you — good times were not had during Outer Banks Season 5.
Our group of treasure-hunting teens finally recovered the gold they lost in Outer Banks Season 1, but at what cost? To them, to the limits of reality, or to my mental stability?
After five seasons of countless near-death experiences, natural disasters, and the discovery and loss of multiple potentially magical treasures, the crew finally got to live happily ever after on their North Carolina island.
Their big win? Houses with AC.
Sure, our cast had me rooting for them to finally come out on top, but mostly because the seemingly infinite number of antagonists sucked so bad.
This fifth and final season was packed full of absolute tomfoolery from almost every character, which pushed the limits of my patience and my ability to suspend disbelief to their absolute limits.
But not every character was created equal!
Who really came out on top as the best character at the end of the season?
Read on for a power ranking of our main cast, calculated by a rigorous scientific method of measuring whose choices made me roll my eyes the least.
9. John B.
I fear we may have official confirmation that John Booker Routledge was knocked about by his surfboard a few too many times, because has he learned anything besides some decent fighting skills over the last few years? No!
The lights are on, but is anyone home?
Minus 100 points for refusing to use common sense, always yelling his plans around the very villains he’s trying to avoid, for dropping the bag of money that would have solved all his problems, and for getting a hit put out on his very pregnant fiancé.
As if our Pogues didn’t have enough going on with their Blue Crown hunt, they got to spend a nice couple of episodes evading the drama caused by this man’s antics.
The only thing working in his favor this season was that his choices gave us some fun buddy-cop scenes with Rafe. That was a dynamic I didn’t know I needed, but I’m better for it.
8. Pope
This was a tough season for our resident brainiac.
After a stint in jail and a long-winded, weed-induced period of buffoonery, Pope almost fumbled the show’s biggest catch: Cleo.
What do you mean you proposed to our queen by jumping straight to discussions about rent and immigration status?
@media (max-width: 768px) {
.tvf-google-cta {
padding: 22px 14px !important;
}
.tvf-google-cta p {
font-size: 22px !important;
line-height: 1.25 !important;
margin-bottom: 16px !important;
}
.tvf-google-cta a {
font-size: 14px !important;
padding: 10px 18px !important;
border-radius: 34px !important;
line-height: 1.3 !important;
}
}
Add TV Fanatic as a Trusted Source on Google!
Get More of Our Coverage!
Even his “romantic” makeup proposal felt a bit rushed—our girl at the very least deserved a long, Mr. Darcy-inspired speech.
However, credit where credit is due: Pope did pull through by translating ancient Persian from a few old library books and making a bomb out of random things found at an Azerbaijani market (but we already got into the insanity of that)!
I’m still very happy that we got to see him inherit his ancestral home, Tannyhill, after everything he and his family went through.
7. Sarah
You win some, you lose some, Sarah!
Despite being pregnant, Sarah still finds herself a magnet for countless near-death experiences.
Though I’m not sure I can blame her. Is anyone at the end of the day really looking out for the health of her baby?
Sarah didn’t really have much going on this season, except for dealing with some mommy issues that had gone unexplored in previous seasons.
But after all she’s been through, I’m happy that she found family to walk with her through motherhood.
She scored solid points for being unfazed and unbothered by literally everything thrown at her. However, she lost them by not washing her hair for her own wedding.
6. Sofia
Sofia had a lot to own up to after her deceit from Outer Banks Season 4 (even if I could understand it, just a little).
Everyone may have come out of the season with some gold, but she came out with a hefty rock and one hot-as-hell fiancé.
Sure, she’s out living on the lam for the rest of her life, but is it really so bad to leave the island for a life of adventure?
We love the loyalty. Just don’t think too hard about the potential health or longevity of their relationship, or the fact that we never heard about or saw her family ever again.
5. Barry
The best thing about Outer Banks Season 5? Barry’s additional screen time.
Our resident chaos agent may not mirror JJ’s distinct brand of comedy, but he did fill some of the void with his own flair of maniacal energy.
Despite everything Barry has done, he still managed to avoid winding up in jail. That’s a huge win in my book.
Who needs gold when you have a jet ski and a massage chair? I hope they made it through the hurricane.
4. Kiara
John B. might be our narrator, but this was Kiara’s season.
And boy, did she go through a lot. Her journey of processing grief was the only believable one, in my opinion, which made her growth and healing all the more compelling and earned.
She forfeits the top spots because, unfortunately, she forgot the basics of avoiding the authorities (you know, like not pulling a gun on someone in a crowded plaza or failing to remove your unbelievably conspicuous “disguise” after being filmed).
Our girl does choke when she has the chance to end Groff once and for all, which would have saved her and her friends a lot of trouble.
I will say, she makes up for it ten-fold by hanging him from a mast during the middle of a hurricane.
Iconic.
3. Wheezie
Wheezie is back! And not only does she not suck this time around, she actively rocks!
All our girl wants is to be back with her family, and after a few seasons of being isolated, she deserves nothing less than to be reunited with them.
Let’s not forget that she pulled off what Kiara couldn’t: actually shooting Groff. I don’t think she ever learned how to handle a gun, but she learned fast!
Is it going too far to say she’s the true hero of the story? The only reason she’s not higher on this list is because, well, we haven’t seen her in four seasons.
I’m assuming she gets to live happily ever after with Sarah, and hopefully she gets to inherit a little bit of the wealth for all the trauma she’s had to suffer off-screen and on.
2. Cleo
The number two spot goes to the one and only Cleo.
She’s hot, she’s independent, and she always knows exactly what to do to defend herself.
No matter what she goes through, she’s always grounded in the knowledge that she’s incredibly self-reliant.
She earned 100 points for her blowing up John B.’s van with absolutely no remorse. An insane diversion, sure, but way to think fast on her feet!
Plus, she survived getting dragged by a plane without so much as a scratch. She’s invincible.
1. Rafe
Wow, we’ve come a long way since Outer Banks Season 1.
If you told me then that the character I’d be rooting for most was the murderous frat-boy psychopath who tried to waterboard his own sister, I would have — quite understandably — called you insane.
But crazier things have happened on Outer Banks!
Rafe was our logical voice of reason AND our source of much-needed laughs, and he is quite literally the reason everyone lived as long as they did.
Thinking rationally might not be everyone else’s strong suit, but it sure is his — and boy, did everyone survive because of it!
He put in the work to earn that redemption arc, and while he may not have gotten the gold, he got away with literal murder and sailed off into the sunset, free as a bird, with his love.
Plus — most importantly — he stayed incredibly sexy while doing it all.
So Outer Banks Fanatics, what character was your favorite this season? Let us know all your thoughts in the comments!
-
Outer Banks Season 5 Character Rankings No One Asked For (But Everyone Needs)
Who really won Outer Banks Season 5? We ranked all nine main characters by their choices, chaos, and comedic value. Spoiler: it’s not John B.
-
From Outer Banks & Reacher’s Heartbreak to Furious’ Hilarity: Scene Stealers? We Have a Few
Reacher and Outer Banks had us deeply in our feelings, while Furious had us laughing way too hard. It’s time of our Characters of the Week.
-
Is an Outer Banks Prequel Interesting? Maybe. Necessary? Probably Not.
Could an Outer Banks prequel be interesting? Maybe. But is it necessary? Here’s our thoughts on that question.
The post Outer Banks Season 5 Character Rankings No One Asked For (But Everyone Needs) appeared first on TV Fanatic.