Jimmy Kimmel marked Donald Trump’s 78th birthday in fittingly unceremonious fashion, listing his favorite 78 nicknames for the businessman-turned-politician — who’s running for president again while awaiting sentencing after his conviction on 34 felony counts.
“Trump had a low-key birthday celebration — he reportedly spent the night at home, quietly spanking himself with a magazine,” Kimmel said on Jimmy Kimmel Live! on Friday, June 14, riffing on Stormy Daniels’ testimony that she used a magazine to spank Trump.
Then Kimmel got to the nicknames. “You know, I have to admit, Donald Trump has given a lot to our show, and I wanted to do something special for him because I know he watches from time to time,” the late-night comedian said.
“Over the last, seems like, I don’t know, 28 years since he got into politics, we’ve come up with a lot of nicknames for Donald Trump. And so in honor of his birther-day, we combed through the archives to bring you our top 78 Donald Trump nicknames of all-time.”
To the tune of “Hail to the Chief,” Kimmel rattled off the monikers, quoted in full below:
- Don Whoreleone
- Napoleon Bone-Aspur
- R. Smelly
- Fiberace
- Commander-In-Thief
- Nostra-dumbass
- El Pork-Choppo
- MAGA Theresa
- All Caps-tain Kangaroo
- Rip One Van Winkle
- Count Flatula
- Founding Farter
- Farty-Five
- Teddy Dozevelt
- Gaseous Clay
- Dopey McGropey
- Lepre-con man
- Al Ca-porn
- Julius Squeezer
- The Shart of the Deal
- His Flatulency
- Mayor McCutTheCheese
- Groper Cleveland
- Sleepy Don-zales
- Nelson Tandela
- Burger Jean King
- Donny Nappleseed
- Liger Woods
- Unhappy Gilmore
- Greedy McGolfy
- Yabba Dabba Doofus
- His MAGA-sty
- Genghis Don
- Donnie D Cups
- Donye West
- Donald Duck the Draft
- Kim Don Un
- The Notorious P.I.G.
- Hair Mussolini
- Con-Mander-In-Chief
- Phony Soprano
- Fattyshack
- The Ayatollah Complaini
- Presidementia
- Stable McGenius
- The Tanchurian candidate
- Orange Baby Jesus
- Refrigerator Perry Mason
- Off-Whitey Bulger
- Tannibal Lecter
- The Not-So-Great Pumpkin
- Carrot Bottom
- Scammy Davis Jr.
- Rich Little Hands
- Donnie Cochran
- The MAGA-lorian
- Vladimir Gluten
- HippoPOTUS
- Darth Tax Evader
- Our Fondling Father
- Maroon 45
- The Legend of Bragger Vance
- Mar-a-Cloggo
- The Tan of La Mancha
- Butch Casserole
- Trumpelstiltskin
- MAGATHA Christie
- Grab-Ass Grandpa
- Orange Julius Caesar
- Hungry Hungry Hypocrite
- Dictator Tot
- Quid Pro Combover
- The Lock-Her-Up-ness Monster
- General Lie-senhower
- Alexander Scamilton
- Yelvis
- Jabba The Pizza Hut
- Pumpkin McPornhumper
“Happy birthday, Mr. Former President! Happy birthday to you!” Kimmel added as he caught his breath and the in-studio audience cheered. “Maybe we do have Trump Derangement Syndrome.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Weeknights, 11:35/10:35c, ABC