Best Lines from Star Trek: Strange New Worlds Season 4 Episode 3’s “Human Best Friend”

Everyone needs a holiday once in a while, and Starfleet crews are no exception.

For that matter, neither are Star Trek audiences.

After a time-traveling season premiere and a chaser detour through horror territory, Star Trek: Strange New Worlds cranked the hijinks with its third outing, a shore leave adventure inspired by films like The Hangover and Dude, Where’s My Car?

It was a welcome departure from potentially space-time continuum-destroying choices and grisly mutilations, letting you enjoy an adventure that (mostly) focused on bridging differences, resolving conflicts, and personal journeys.

And whether you appreciate a ridiculous and unlikely scenario or not, there were some objectively funny scenes here, underscored by perfectly delivered punchlines.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds “Human Best Friend”

Scotty and Ortegas’s fractious relationship was front and center on Star Trek: Strange New Worlds Season 4 Episode 3, “Human Best Friend.”

Their conflict was set up on Star Trek: Strange New Worlds Season 4 Episode 1, “Valles Marineris,” but by the time the crew visits Seznar Grand, it’s come to a head.

I can’t be the only person who was reminded by their dovetailing rant of the Lone Starr/Princess Vespa sight-unseen stream of insults.

Ortegas: Going over my head to say that I exceed parameters was bad enough. Installing a warning light to tell me how to fly? This feels personal. It’s fine. Everything’s fine. Things get bumpy. You push your way forward even if something’s in your way. 

Scotty: Then she went over my head, ignoring the controls. She’s taking this too far.

Ortegas: Someone’s attitude has everyone on edge.

Scotty: She’s a know-it-all, arrogant…

Ortegas: … micro-managing, rude…

Scotty: … constantly trying to take control…

Together: Lieutenant.

After waking up in the same room with no memory of the night before, their attempts to deliver a note to Pike and then find a shuttle to get the inebriated crew back to the Enterprise drive the plot.

The Hangover

Ortegas’s first instinct is to take her memory loss and hangover up with management. Dave Foley, as the unflappably friendly Dendru, politely refers to the legalities of the booking arrangement.

Ortegas: Promises were made, and none of those promises included hangover or missing time. 

Dendru: Sometimes, if you’re hanging onto negative emotions, it can negate or alter the effects of the atmosphere.

Ortegas: That wasn’t in the brochure.

Dendru: It was. It was in the fine print. Well, actually, it’s in the micro print, but the fine print clearly directs you to read the micro print, so really, it’s all quite legally binding. Tell you what, after you deliver that, I promise to fix you up and in the meantime, just remember, take deep breaths. Deep breaths. And you know that the deposit is non-refundable.

With no recollection of their convivial antics the night before, Ortegas and Scotty revert to their established antagonistic ways.

Ortegas ends up trying to do right by the rather vulnerable engineer since he seems likely to harm himself in his current state..

Ortegas: Scotty, you can’t go off on your own. Since, apparently, another task I have is babysitting a small, grown man. 

Scotty: I am average-sized.

He’s not exactly confrontational — that’s not his style — but he also makes no effort to make life easier for her.

Ortegas: Okay, I tried to be cool to you.

Scotty: What does your uncool to someone look like?

Eventually, he admits that his reaction to the planet’s atmosphere isn’t putting him at the top of his game when he throws their only tricorder at Ortegas, missing her completely, and having it fly over a balcony railing to smash on the ground below.

Ortegas: Why would you throw it at me to show me a security system?

Scotty: Dunno. I’m probably not the best decision maker right now.

Ortegas: Understatement.

Both being good Starfleet, they pull it together enough to get Spock’s help. Such as it is.

Spock’s Damage

I’m a sucker for flat affect humor, and Spock’s Seznar Grand experience isn’t limited to his not-hallucinatory James Kirk.

Spock: It is coming from this.

Ortegas: That is a plant.

Spock: I believe this is photosynthetic technology. I assumed that was only theoretical.

Ortegas: It’s a plant.

Spock: Perhaps I can telepathically link. 

Scotty: What? Read the plant’s plant mind?

Spock: My mind to your leaves. My thoughts to your root system.

It’s absurd, yet perfectly logical, for a resort with a no-tech policy to have a plant-based security system. Isn’t it?

Ortegas: The three of us will be fine.

Spock: I should not join you.

Ortegas: This is pretty important, Spock.

Scotty: Hm?

Spock: Are you both plants right now?

Ortegas: Um. No.

Spock: I should rest.

Scotty: I mean, maybe I’m a plant.

Ortegas: You are not a plant.

After mind-melding with the plant, Spock starts seeing Ortegas and Scotty as plants, an effect that doesn’t wear off quickly, but which could quite possibly be next year’s most popular Trek cosplay partner option.

Spock: Lieutenant, I heard about the avocado.

Ortegas: What?

Spock: The message you gave to Uhura, which she passed down the line. Palm, avocado bad, tell Captain.

Ortegas: I should’ve known that wouldn’t work.

Spock: Using reverse Human logic, I deduced you may have been referring to a bomb on board. Or just bad avocados. Either way, I’m here to help. I should warn you, however, you are still a plant.

Ortegas: [as a cactus] Pull it together, man. We need you.

It’s a helluva sight gag.

Scotty’s shirt has already become a fandom phenomenon. The first company to roll it out in numbers is going to make mint.

Human Best Friend

The episode’s title is the first this season to be drawn directly from a line of dialogue.

Spock: I may know why I am imagining you. I have never had what humans call a human best friend. 

Kirk: We don’t actually call it a human best friend. But I think you mean someone that you can be vulnerable with.

Spock: I have many things I want to talk about. Fears. Hopes. Dreams. I believe you are here so I can share them with you even though you are in fact not here.

Kirk: Okay, buddy. Let’s talk.

While the narrative naturally draws one’s eye to Ortegas and Scotty, in a quiet corner Kirk and Spock make a foundational connection that establishes their canonical friendship.

Spock: I told you everything. Everything.

Kirk: You sure did. And those many, many secrets are safe with me.

Spock: Are you going to hug me again?

Kirk: Do you want me to?

Hugs… singing… board games… fries. There’s a theory that Star Trek: Strange New Worlds is really just a Spock story. It’s not totally wrong.

Warrior Songs

Seznar Grand really has it all. Chapel finds the bingo hall and picks a fight.

La’an finds a relaxation class and picks a fight.

Instructor: Weapons are not necessary. This is a relaxation class.

Scotty and Ortegas rescue the class from her on Spock’s advice.

Spock: I would recommend bringing La’an as muscle. She has quite a bit of pent-up energy today. 

Scotty: So she’s even scarier?

Spock: She is much, much scarier.

With them, she finds a street gang. And picks a fight.

Ortegas: Okay, so we’ll go in, make some threats, get our shuttle back.

La’an: He must be in charge. Stay here. I threaten best alone.

And Una finds the spotlight at karaoke and nails it.

Ortegas: How are there so many Klingon power ballads? She’s signed up to sing 15 in a row.

Scotty: Warrior songs.

Seriously. Rebecca Romijn commented at the Star Trek: Strange New Worlds Press Day event that she worked really hard to get the Klingon translation and pronunciation of the lyrics of Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Sun” right.

Gold star, Lt. Commander Chin-Riley.

As you were.

Never change.

Unless you plan on releasing an album of all the songs on the sign-up board, then definitely do that.

For the record (pun intended), the songs listed are “Yellow Battlecruiser,” “Romulan Rhapsody,” “Let It Go,” “Honor or Cowardice,” “Smells Like Bad Bloodwine,” and “Aim for the Second Heart.”

Letting Loose

Seeing the crew out of uniform and out of character was mentally refreshing for viewers and also allowed the actors to really lean into the most unhinged facets of their role.

Uhura: Erika, you were so right! Relaxation is just so … relaxing. I love it.

Cadet Nyota Uhura lets go of her driven, results-focused overachiever self to embrace her journey.

M’Benga: When I move my hands, I’m usually worried about people’s lives. But now, it’s like Una singing.

Doctor Joseph M’Benga forgets about precision and lets fly with all the bottles behind the bar, smashing many, and mixing concoctions willy-nilly.

And Pike? Well, Pike’s Seznar Grand souvenirs prove the most impressive.

Pike: Can I ask you a question? What would you think of a face tattoo? You should get one, Mr. Scotty. You’d look good.

Scotty: Well, I don’t tell this to everyone but I actually have a tattoo on my…

Ortegas: STOP

And never say make-up people don’t have a wicked sense of humor. I have it on good authority that the first two lines of Pike’s face tattoo are Klingon for “Hair today, Gorn tomorrow.”

It’s Not Just the Journey, it’s the Friends We Made…

Bringing it back to Scotty and Ortegas, there’s a lot to love about why they found each other irksome to begin with.

Scotty: It’s cause I grew up with six brothers.

Ortegas: Bet your house smelled great.

Scotty: When things went wrong, I got the blame. And they usually were my fault so…So I just assumed it’s still that way now.

Ortegas: I didn’t know you had brothers. Hard to picture seven of you.

Scotty: Four adopted. Mum used to say that hearts are infinite, so we should make use of that space.

Ortegas: Mine said something not too different.

As they muddled through their various challenges — lost shuttle, kidnapping, bombs — they learned how similar they actually are.

Ortegas: I have been so angry at you lately, and it’s not even you I’m mad at. It’s just the idea of me not being good enough. When you pointed out my flying could be better, it just set me off.

Their honesty snowballs into some proper soul-bearing.

Some other things that they share are a good heart and a beautifully snarky sense of humor.

Scotty: Fun fact, I usually avoid the helm. That’s why it was hard to picture myself stealing the shuttle. Once, crashed one. Actually, seven. It was during my only piloting class. I couldn’t cut it. Maybe I’m a bit envious of anyone who did. It’s easy to get mad at people who seem better than me. Blame them for things. Try to bring them down a peg. Guess like my brothers did to me, y’know?

Ortegas: That’s a lot of crashed shuttles.

Scotty: Oh, so so many shuttles!

Until finally, just as they faced imminent death, they reached a mutual conclusion.

Ortegas: Scotty, I think we would’ve been friends.

Scotty: I think we already are.

Happily, they survived. However, Scotty’s a bit worse for wear.

Of Dragons and Journeys

Many of the shore leave antics were best left to the imagination.

Spock: You do not recall fighting a dragon?

Ortegas: Is that a joke?

Spock: I heard you shouting in the corridor that you “GOT THE DRAGON”

Ortegas: I’ll add that to my list of things to figure out.

But ultimately, it’s our host, Dendru, who advocates a totally self-directed journey for every guest.

Dendru: My journey is to do whatever I can to keep guests on their journey. My job is not to ask questions

For Ortegas, it’s not a vacation she’ll want to revisit any time soon.

Spock: You appear tense.

Ortegas: I don’t remember what I did last night. I have a pounding headache, and if I want to get any enjoyment at all out of this so-called vacation, I apparently need to deliver a note to him first. So, yeah. Tense.

But hopefully, she’s worked through some of the issues holding her back.

Uhura: He’s not here.

Ortegas: Do you know where he is?

Uhura: It’s not my journey to know. We’re all on our own journeys here.

Ortegas: Why would my journey involve breaking my arm and maybe a dragon?

Uhura: Chapel mentioned your cast. Said you didn’t want your arm fixed. 

Scotty: Glutton for pain. Probably where all that anger comes from.

Ortegas: I’M NOT ANGRY.

Dendru’s revelation that he was once a ball of anger and tension is a bit hard to believe.

But he seemed heartfelt in his advice to Ortegas.

Dendru: I’m sorry that my plan didn’t work. Because I do know how it feels to always be looking for something to be angry about. If you look hard enough, you’ll always find some reason to be mad. You just need to decide if you’re going to ignore it or let it ruin your day or perhaps, try to figure out what it is you’re really angry about.

And with all she’s experienced and everything Scotty’s shared, she moves forward with a new perspective.

Ortegas: Personal log. Supplemental. We’re back in the rocky area of space, which, as any pilot knows, sometimes you gotta push your way forward, but sometimes, you just need to get out of your own way.

Over to you, Fanatics! Which line on “Human Best Friend” made you hoot, made you think, made you shrug?

Hit our comments with any lines that you feel should’ve been included. And don’t forget to vote in our poll below for which Enterprise crew member you’d want to vacation with!

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