Every Time Outer Banks Season 5 Made Me Question My Sanity

Outer Banks fans know all too well that to buy into the show’s unhinged reality, a healthy suspension of disbelief is required.

You think previous seasons pushed the limits of credulity?

Outer Banks Season 5 turns the chaos dial up to 100, leaving me questioning not just the sanity of the characters and writers, but my own.  

Somehow, some way, these kids are still alive and well after five seasons of tomfoolery and lack of personal hygiene.

(It’s my own fault for still being surprised by how little these teens shower. I’m still not even convinced that Sarah washed her hair for her own finale wedding.)

Outer Banks Season 5 is full of wild, transcontinental adventures, but it does leverage emotional callbacks to the Pogues’ golden moments and brings everything full circle to the Outer Banks Season 1 events that cemented these teens’ treasure-hunting legacy.

At the heart of the action is an emotional core that pays tribute to JJ’s legacy and explores different manifestations of grief.

And finally, after years of natural disasters, countless near-death experiences, international crime syndicates, bigoted real estate brokers, and multiple murderous fathers, the Pogues finally get a win.

And they hold onto a treasure for once!)

We got there in the end, but at what cost?

Here are the six questions I found myself asking during Outer Banks Season 5, which left me wondering if I lost my own sanity somewhere along the way.

Did Someone — Anyone — Look at a Map?

For a show that’s literally all about finding “X marks the spot,” the writers seem incredibly averse to actually looking at a map.

I hate to break it to you, but Croatia and the southern tip of Spain? They’re really, really far apart.

Like 2,000 miles apart, but I love that we see our cast jump on what looks like a sleeper bus and somehow transcend the limits of space and time, shortening a 30+ hour drive into a quick overnight trek.

And while we’re on the topic of unbelievable journeys, do you seriously want me to believe that that tiny, dual-propeller plane made it from North Carolina to AZERBAIJAN?!

Now, I’m no plane expert, but that plane would need to refuel. Multiple times, probably.

But that’s fine!

The kids are rolling up in their beach clothes, not a snack or a jacket or bottle of water in sight, and make it to rural Azerbaijan (where, somehow, all the locals speak Croatian) with time to spare before the meteor shower.

Our characters may not be able to pinpoint any of these countries on a map, but hey, at least Pope can translate ancient Persian!

That said, all our teens have a remarkable ability to navigate cities they’ve only been in for a few hours. Maybe they have picked up a few tricks over the last few years.

Does John B. Have Two Brain Cells to Rub Together?

You’d think John B. would know that big, scary drug dealers would come looking for the giant bale of weed he found floating in the water– and that maybe he’s not as sly as he thinks he is, stealing it out from under their noses.

But no! Hasn’t he — or anyone in his friend group, for that matter — learned that they lack all semblance of stealth?

You’d think after five seasons of stealing various items and breaking into various houses, they’d learn how to be quiet and a little more careful (or at the very least, turn their phones on silent).

When John B. DROPPED the bag of money he stole from Topper’s house, I wanted to head-butt my TV. He has an unbelievable knack for always coming so close to getting what he comes for, just to let something so silly derail his efforts.

And somehow, it never crossed John B.’s mind that one of the richest families on the island had security cameras that he might want to avoid.

Most of John B.’s problems could have been solved if he hadn’t just YELLED HIS PLANS in front of the very villains he’s running from.

Be quiet. Be subtle.

If you know you’re being trailed by drug dealer cronies (though can anyone explain to me why they weren’t arrested with everyone else?), maybe be a little more cautious.

And maybe don’t scream your impending whereabouts around Groff when you know absolutely no one — including you — stays locked up in this town.

Has Multiple Years of Running from the Authorities Taught Kiara Nothing?

Does Kie think for a second that it might not be easy to murder someone in a crowded Croatian plaza where there are hundreds of eyewitnesses? No. Does that stop her from trying? No!

We can’t blame her, really. Not really sure how she thought that was going to work out for her, but vengeance stops for nothing, much less common sense.

You’d think that after all the time the Pogues have spent running from the authorities, they might have also learned a few things along the way.

Like… thinking about ditching your extremely conspicuous outfit after cops spotted you and literally hundreds of spectators filmed you.

As our girl Kiara traipses through the Croatian underbrush, not once does she pause to think that perhaps it would be smart to leave her very identifiable trench coat, baseball cap, and neck scarf in a bush.

That would be too easy!

Actually, though—How Are They Not All in Jail (Or Dead) Yet?

I may know nothing about either planes or extradition laws, but call me crazy… the worst consequence that the Pogues face after getting caught in Croatia can’t be just getting sent back home.

And then… they’re free? There’s no other fallout?

It’s not that I wanted to see them get in trouble, but something just doesn’t add up.

I guess miraculously evading possible jail time pales in comparison to the fact that, in defiance of all logic, our teens have also been able to avoid any amount of serious injury.

The only thing funnier than Rafe and Barry this season was the flashback montage of all the Pogues’ near-death experiences.

Just in case the writers really needed to drill the lack of realism home, after gunshots, drownings, being blown through the air after countless explosions, and being dragged on the ground by a plane, no one even has as much as a scratch or a broken thumb.

It’s a medical marvel. Their bone density should be studied.

How Many Villains Is Too Many Villains?

No group of teens has ever amassed as many enemies as our Pogues in Outer Banks Season 5.

We have more villains than we have main characters. Between the drug dealers and their cronies, evil rich people, local cops, Finch and the mercenaries, and Groff, we were drowning in antagonists.

And yet, our big villain of the season — who has the uncanny ability to lurk exactly where he needs to be in order to learn some vital piece of information — has one goal: to rule a small island off the coast of North Carolina.

That’s it? That’s the endgame? Groff, my guy, I think you can afford to dream a little bigger.

Don’t even get me started on the “You’re going to keep screaming ‘murderer’” line he said to Kiara before attempting to drown her. How did he even know about that?

And Why Am I Rooting for a Psychotic Murderer to Get Away with It All?

The highlight of the season was all things Rafe, and the fact that his redemption arc was well-earned.

Have I become a Rafe apologist? I’m conflicted, but yes! I have!

I can’t believe that after five seasons with our resident sexy psychopath, the writers successfully had us crossing our fingers that he would get away with all of his crimes.

Let’s not forget that such crimes included one successful murder, stealing another man’s family inheritance, and shooting and waterboarding his own sister. Yikes!

Rafe and Kie this, Rafe and Sofia that… what about Rafe and John B. and their buddy cop dynamic?

While the hole JJ left in the cast was definitely felt, Rafe brought some desperately needed comedy and heart to the season.

I loved his heart-to-heart with Kiara (I’m sure the fan edits are going crazy with that scene), and his reconciliation with Sofia and Sarah.

I actually shed a tear during their goodbye, knowing he might never see his nephew or Sarah again.

In the end, Outer Banks brought the narrative full circle, tying up a few loose ends and sending the characters to a happy ending on a newly reformed Kildare.

Sometimes, all it takes is a Biblical allegory to flush away the evil on the island and wipe the slate clean so everyone can start anew.

And while you won’t have me believing Topper could ever score an invite to Sarah and John B.’s wedding, that final scene? You better believe it had me yelling:

“BRING IT ON HOME, JOHN B! BRING IT ON HOME!”

So Outer Banks Fanatics, what did you think of the final season? Let us know all your thoughts in the comments!